Friday, July 4, 2008

My Bucket List

My Bucket List
by Karean Williams

This week I saw a couple of very slow movies that have left an impression on me. The first is "Evening" with Glenn Close, Meryl Streep, and Streep's daughter Mamie Gummer. It is about a wealthy lady who is dying and dreaming about her life as her two daughters watch and comfort her. The other movie is the "Bucket List" with actors Jack Nicholson as Edward Cole and Morgan Freeman as Carter Chambers. The story is about two terminally ill men who take off to have a fling at life with a list of things to do before they "kick the bucket." For some reason, the Bucklet List keeps ringing through my head.

What would I do if I had six months to live?

What would I put on my list?

As I contemplate my retirement, I too seem to be confronted with the same questions. The two items on the list that left the most impression on me are... Have you brought joy into others' lives? And, Has some one brought joy into your life? I found both these questions to be so thought provoking.


I don't think one knows if one ever brings any real joy into another's life. It seems as though while I am living in the forest, some how I can't see the trees; however, when I look back, I can see how an incident or a moment in time caused me to change the way I think or do things. For example, right now, a line in the movie "What happened the to last 45 years?" "They disappeared like smoke through a keyhole." In June, my oldest daughter turned 46 years old. When she was born in 1962, I was all of twenty years old, and I thought I was "old" stuff. Back then, you had to be 21 to do anything in Pennsylvania, for I was still too young to go to a bar, still too young to vote and still too young to rent a house. I could not buy anything without the signature of a man on the contract, especially, if I wanted to pay for it on the lay away. The years have slipped by so quickly. Now I can buy whatever I want without permission from any one. I don't want to buy anything anyways--just more junk to house.

One of my friends who owns a home in Italy has offered me a place to stay while I am in Europe. Another friend has offered me a place to stay and a good time in New York City. My cousin has offered me a place to stay in Atlanta, GA; of course, I will or can impose on any of my sisters, brothers, cousins, children, nieces, nephews or friends and now grandchildren, so I have the world at my finger tips and lots of well meaning invitations. I could almost freely travel the world. However, Edward Cole told Carter Chambers that Carter could stay at home and be waited on hand and foot while Carter helped every one to deal with Carter's dying. Or, Carter could hang with him--Cole-- and start to live and cross off the items on the list. So, do I want to visit all these folks and console them while I wait my impending death or sense of retirement to come to fore? Or, do I seek out a friend or foe or "cut buddy" who would willingly hang with me. I know I already have several takers--no need to ask.

More importantly, what do I really want to see or hear or touch or marvel at? What do I really want to put on my list? How do I want to be buried? Where do I want to be interred? Oh... I seem so full of questions and wonderings and musings.

What I have noticed is that I have aged, and I just didn't know it. I have reached a pinnacle in my life, and I had missed the turning point some how. Lately, I know the feelings that I have been experiencing are real, and I am not the first or only person in this world who has taken these same steps before. Once I noticed as I passed the mirror in the hallway an old lady who looked some what familiar to me looked back at me in a questioning manner as though she didn't know me. I, too, wondered when she had moved into the house with me because I couldn't remember inviting any one to move in, I had to do a double take because the old lady was me.

Well, It is just simply my turn to think about my list.

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