Approaching Retirement

I must admit that I am a consummate planner. I have planned and organized every thing my days, my months, my years. Once I learned these tactics as a young military wife and college teacher. For most of my life, I have forged my life around anticipated and unanticipated events... what if’s and when’s. So now as my date of debarkation apporaches I am a little anxious.

I must admit that I have not allowed horror stories to run through my head accompanied with the what if’s. I have relaxed my reading of faraway places to build a new home, or places to move, work, volunteer or baby sit. I have just decided to do absolutely nothing for about three months. Or, let say try. I have already promised friends and family that I would come to visit--until I wore out my welcome be it a day, a couple of weeks, or a month. I would let the wee, small, little voice rule my head and heart for awhile. Now, if I am my typical self, I will go to work, making list and phone calls, and set up dates and times I will be with whom. Stop, Stop. Stop I tell myself. Just allow this to happen too.

My best friend for over twenty five years asked me, "Now, what are you going to do on your first day," I told her I didn’t know I have not thought that far. Would you believe I allowed that to cloud my head for an entire day. Then, I thought I would just relax for the entire morning--in the library--you know the bathroom. Just like a Sunday morning without forethought of an early Monday lecture or meeting or some pressing demand. I would simply cleanse myself of as much "shit" as I can. She replied incredulously, "Don’t you do that every morning." Mind you, my friend, who is 73, has been retired for seven or more years. I told her some times, but I usually have an 8:00am class even though I get up at 5:30am I still have to prepare myself and every thing else for the day and be at the bus stop by 7:00am, it is only a luxury if "rrea" decides to call. She had a good laugh to think every one does not have the same luxury that she has been enjoying for so long.

This is an early Sunday morning, but I have guest, and I know that I will have to do breakfast and entertain some what because they are busy young students with finals to prep for, so I will just have to be quiet for the most part.

Think I will just go for a swim, I need to start to practice my new style of mind set and living.... abate temporary.